How 'bout Ghei-llenn? Juay-limn? Q-bert?

Did the fortune cookie slip with the name come before or after the placenta?

These happy parents are hoping for a little brother for their baby, Default Marie.

Dear God, they're tailoring them into box sets!

She's okay, but Debbie Gibson could write her own songs.

For a boy, we have even a bigger problem. Every boy in his family, including all of the nephews, has a name that starts with R. ! I think Robert is too boring, and Riley is turning more and more into a girl's name.I like Rylan (pronounced ry-lin) but my husband says it sounds too feminine. What do you think about that, too?

Gee, how did he get the idea that "ry-lin" was a girl's name after fighting over Ashlynn, Brooklynn and Madelyn? (Question: When are these folks going to really push the envelope and put a THIRD n to the end of a name for no reason?)

Okay, I think this lady's lying. No two people could contain between them enough evil to conceive both of this many children and this many f'ed up names. Even a godless universe contains more rhyme and reason.

Phoenix (she was conceived in Phoenix)
Aedin
Cielle (see-ell)
Gracelyn
Maxime (max-eem)
Jasmine

These people, being either liars, new age cultists, schizophrenic Dungeons and Dragons players, Mormons, or all four, make most commentary on those preposterous names moot. However:

Every kid thinks the idea their parents have sex is nasty. So why oh why would you want to remind them of it every single time someone calls their name?

I mean, how 'bout some truth in advertising, here! Name her Ramblerbackseat.

Thanks, 14-year-old-Goth-girl!

Sample responses:

Kade, Kacey, Kahil, Kahlil, Kaleb, Kane, Karey, Karl, Karsten, Kristopher, Keenan, Kyle, Kelly, Kendrick, Keegan, Kieran, Kinsey, Kirkland, Kyler, Kurt, Kurtis.

Kahil? Karsten? Krap!

Boy's names: All sound like linebackers. Girl's names: Anagrams.

Laken - the new herring treat from Finland. Laken, ja!

But why should that stop you? Name the kid Fridgidaire!

Not unless the younger one runs into a vicious gang of Lytton Strachey readers.

I will name baby#3 Killian(girl) or Tristan(boy).

Hope he sings in German and dates a girl named Isolde. And that the girl's middle name is Irish and her last name is Red! That's rock! Wooo!

The response:

Killian is a BOYS name! Think about it for a minute: if you name her Killian she'll more than likely be mistaken for a boy in BOTH middle and high school and be put in a boys gym class! these are the things you have to concider when naming a child.

Yeah! Think about it for a minute, a single minute, you selfish harpy! Obviously gym class placement should be consideration number one! I mean...BOTH middle and high school! You bitch!

Better give her a normal girl's name like Mackenzie or Jaylee or Carrington!

Me, Kenzie. You, Mr. Bean.

I don't know about picking normal names, frankly. Wouldn't want the kid to be the 3rd Baylie in the class. She'd be Baylie R. for years!

And you're a dirty whore for liking a WEIRD name like Miranda.

Isn't Fleur Jade that dim sum place down the street?

I think it's time for a nuclear strike against Ottawa.

(Reader Tom wrote in to suggest that she branch out to include other provinces and name her after this town, the single greatest town in Newfoundland, or perhaps anywhere else. (Warning - link may not be work-safe if you work for your local parish.)

I thought Madison Belle was the river boat in Huck Finn.

Update! Reader Beth adds Madison Bell is Erika Christensen's, um, shall we say, assertive character in the teen version of "Fatal Attraction" "Swimfan." I haven't seen the movie, so I don't know if boiled bunnies come into play, but apparently she's not very nice.

Rest of the name: Macaque Attack.

How 'bout Uber Alles?

And I bet the kids appreciate the sentiment. But if teens are reading baby naming bulletin boards, it's already WAY too late.

Shoanie? No child should be named after a midwestern sub-Denny's chain!

Cortlend. Latin. Def: The cortl to end all cortls.

But he'll love the pine-fresh scent!

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